Friday, June 20, 2008

Losing It

This morning I lost it.

I hadn't slept well. I'd been awake since 3 AM. At 8 AM, Mom shuffled out of her room to complain, for the hundredth time this year, that something was wrong with her sliding door. Georgie, the cat, wanted to go out on the porch, but the door was stuck. Phil went in to open the door. He tried to explain, for the hundredth time, how the latch worked. I went in just in time to hear her say to him, --"and I don't need a lecture from YOU on how to open my door!" Well, I lost it. I screamed like a crazy woman. "I don't want to hear another word about that door! NOT ONE WORD!"

Mom is losing it too. Later, as I was driving her to the salon for a shampoo, she asked, "What ever became of that little girl who was living with Gram and Gramp when I married your father?" That little girl was me. It seemed futile to try to explain that to her, so I just told her that the girl was my cousin, Elaine. Mom said, "Of course. I knew that."


CJM-R said...

It is human to lose it once in a while. It is very stressful to be a caretaker.

I am new to your blog so I have to go back, but I was wondering if you ever get a break from your caretaking?

Hang in there!!

forsythia said...

Mom moved here nine years ago August. It's tough being a caretaker. More and more of the folks younger than I will be thrust into that role. I recommend the movie THE SAVAGES about a couple of middle-aged "kids" who are suddenly faced with caring for their aged father. This movie got the "mild dementia" part of it just right.

We get rare breaks. Tomorrow we're going away overnight to a wedding. The trouble with breaks is that they're a lot of work too---lining up someone to come in, changing the sheets on the bed, farming out the pets, getting the pills and meals sorted out...

Nancy said...

Oh gosh, sounds like you need a break! Is there any way you can get some one to fill in for you for a few days? You are going through so much!

forsythia said...

I have plans to go to the beach for 3-4 days in July (my daughter and family are going and my husband and I will each go for half the week) and I think I will make plans now to go to the cabin in September. The only thing is, Mom truly looks like she won't last much longer. It's nothing definite, but she seems to be slowly losing ground. Most of the other deaths in the family have either been totally unexpected (heart attack, plane crash) OR expected, coming after a serious illness. Mom looks as if she may just quietly slip away, but I don't want to be off on a trip somewhere when it happens.